Ask A Librarian: Answers You Won't Get From Google: Restarting

I meant to restart this blog in the fall of 2022. But a pituitary tumor that first appeared in the summer of 2013 made it's third appearance on an MRI last July. After than came pre-op trips to Portland, surgery in November, several weeks to recover, a cold Montana winter (still very much here), then 28 days of radiation.

The last radiation therapy, which involves small doses of photons from various dangerous elements, Miles Davis plays in the background, the CT apparatus spins slowly around me, and afterwards I drive home to the Bitterroot Valley.

I am back now, mostly, and fortunate to have the help of Cat, a high school intern with great ideas a dry sense of humor. She, along with her mom, who subbed in the library several days last fall, kept the library together. I am a lucky librarian indeed.

The questions work the same way as before: email me or, if you at school, drop off a question in the box at the circulation desk. Please, no questions about favorite colors, foods, students, pets, books, and so forth. Imagine me as a quirky Google. And if you want to try your hand at blogging, talk to me about being a guest librarian,

Thanks for reading and send me your questions!

Why are you a librarian? From Maggie, who says she is my favorite sixth grader.

I have to admit that being a librarian is a fall back career. I really, really, really wanted to be a cowboy. But there were so many drawbacks to being a cowboy: we didn’t have horses, or a place to put them even if we did. But the biggest obstacle was age: by the time I was seven, it was clear that the cowboy life was not going to be the life for me. That’s because I wanted to be an astronaut. Or a superhero (preferably Batman). My astronaut dreams fell apart when I realized that there is no air in outer space; my superhero dreams fell apart because I had neither an inherited fortune nor access to radiation-altered arachnids, which ruled out the Spiderman job.

Becoming a librarian was the only alternative, and a pretty good one at that: no poop to scoop, no danger of launch pad explosions, and no supervillains. The books are good and the students are entertaining; what could be better?

How many books have you read? -- from Kailee, who, along with about 32 others, claims to be my favorite student.

Thousands, although I don’t know the exact number. I haven’t kept track since summer reading programs sponsored by the Jefferson County Library. Read ten books, get a certificate. It must have been on the honor system, since no one ever quizzed me a bout the books I checked out.

Would you ever move/change how the library is set up? (Hi)   :)

I’ve thought about moving the library to a warmer place, at least in the winter. But the school principal and district superintendent don’t take the proposal seriously: they think I’m joking. Or deranged.

What is the meaning of life?

In Life, the Universe and Everything, Douglas Adams writes that 42 is the answer to “What is the meaning of life?” But, really, life is full of beauty, adventure, love, heartache, triumph and disappointments and moments of transcendence. And we are all part of it. Who needs to worry about what it might mean?

Are you a dog in a human suit?

No.

How old are you?

Old enough to know that this is a boring question.

What is 1+1?

I assume that the writer of this question expects me to answer “2,” or they were trying (and, alas, failing) to be funny. In the spirit of a silly question, here is a silly answer: 2. But in some cases the answer would be written as 10. Does anyone know when this would be so?

What’s with the stick?

People always want to know about the stick leaning against the large book cart behind the circulation desk.

The first thing to know is that it’s a staff, not a stick. A mere stick is simply a dry piece of wood. Sticks are nice, as far as they go, but staffs are something else again. Staffs are symbols of a wizard’s power or an ancient hiker’s stamina. In ancient times staffs served as weapons, and for wizards, staffs both symbolized their power and channeled that power.

Gandalf did not fight the balrog to a standstill with a stick. He had a staff.

Why did you go to prison?

I haven't ever been to prison, but I have committed a few crimes. My most famous felony was one I committed when I was only 3 years old. I had stolen the Declaration of Independence and replaced it with a copy. Nobody noticed me take it, but after I had left, the guards noticed that the fake Declaration was drawn in purple crayon. The FBI was called in to search for the thief, but they never found me. 

I still have the Declaration and it is hidden in a very safe spot. It definitely isn’t hidden in the back room of the library. (This answer is from Cat, the Library Intern)

What time is it?

It’s time to read.